Thinking Errors That Destroy Relaitonships

Cognitive Psychology is the science of how we perceive the world around us and how we think about and make sense of it all.  It suggests that our brain is an efficient and impatient calculating network that continually asks questions and demands answers. All of our thinking is logical loops and when there is a logical gap our brain completes the gap, through inductive and deductive reasoning.   This is a marvellous mechanism that helped us survive the tough life on earth. However, there are certain loops that we run without being aware of that cause a great deal of misconception,  misunderstanding and ultimately missteps that can impact our relationships adversely.

I like to share some of our logical thinking errors that can be troublesome and detrimental in relationship building. 

1.  Catastrophic thinking: That is jumping to the worst possible conclusion.  
2   Black and White Thinking:  Thinking in an extreme all-or-nothing mentality, leads to distance and distrust.
3.  Fortune Telling:  predicting the future instead of considering all the possible impacts of all factors.
4.  Mind Reading:  Jumping to the conclusion of what others are thinking without trying to understand them.
5.  Mental Filtering: Focusing on the negative and overlooking the positive in a person.
6.  Disqualifying a Positive:  Twisting a positive into a negative.
8.  Negative Labeling: To junk and generalize everything the other person does as a failure.
9.  Emotional Reasoning: Thinking that you are logical in your approach while you are emotional.
10. Personalizing: Taking everything personal and ultra-sensitive due to our own insecurities.    
11. Demanding:  Having rigid rules for others, yet giving ourselves a free pass.
12. Having Low Patience and Frustration Tolerance: Asking others to mould into our belief system sooner than we have time.   

Our thinking apparatus is operating based on a logical pattern system of loops, which is why breaking away from addictions and some problems is so challenging. Because we are programmed to stay within our comfort zone and keep running the same patterns we tend to demand that our patterns stay put.  That is why change is so difficult. So the first thing is first;  if we want to change something in our relationship, we must look inward and find out all of our thinking errors before shifting blame onto others.  If we did nothing else but just figured out our thinking errors and shifted our thinking a bit, our world will change as well.





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